Losing my temper

The night shift went well. Malach decided that he was not going to settle though so I am going to have to get tough with him and have some late nights so that he learns that he needs to settle in his basket at night. It was amusing though when he was feeding even though I was coughing lots he did not even flinch.

The night shift went well and Elbereth woke at around 3.30 but she settled quickly.

The twins took some feeds between 6am and 9.30 when I woke up properly. I fed Elbereth and went through to get breakfast. I needed to go out to the shop to get more porridge. We are all eating porridge so we are going through a lot of it at the moment.

The morning did not go too badly. I was sorting out the twins and I am not sure why I felt really agitated. I think Devil boy felt the same too and we just seemed to wind each other up. I lost my temper in the end and it was the worst that it has been for a while. I threw Wolfies potty across the room causing a crack in it and then as I was so mad with myself for getting mad I then smashed up the potty in frustration.

I was not happy with myself though for allowing myself to lose my temper like that. Wolfie was not upset but it is getting to the point where my temper will become an influence. Both my mum and dad are short tempered and Devil boys mum is short tempered. I know that if I carry on like I am at the moment all three of them are in danger of ending up like us. I really do not want this, as I really do not like my short temper. I have come so far with it but there are some things that need to be ironed out. I am confident that I will get it done. I have now posted on the Internet for any tips for keeping cool and I am going to start meditating soon.

By the early afternoon though I was feeling much better. I also made sure that Wolfie saw me giving Devil boys a hug to say sorry for how I was earlier on. Wolfie liked that ands he wanted a hug as well.

I needed to go out to the shops again to get some lentils. I am planning on making lentil fritters for Wolfie but I was a bit short on lentils. Elbereth needed lots of feeding before I left but I took them out in the funky huge pram.

I called in at the charity shop on the way up and collected some clothes for my collages and I saw that they had got new frames in so I managed to get 6 funky new frames. I am really looking forward to making some new collages. I am going to start on a collage in the next few days for a friend.

The rest of the afternoon went well after I got back and I have been sending and receiving a few E-Mails from my friend today. It is really funky that I have met such a funky friend through the groups that I go to with Wolfie.

I made some soup for Wolfie and I for his dinner. He does not seem to be eating that much though so while he over the worst he still has some of the cold. I got some fruit when I was out so I was happy when he ate that. He really enjoyed the plums. He likes all the fruits that he has tried.

After Devil boy settled Wolfie off to sleep he went up to his brothers house for a few drinks. I actually like it when he goes out as I relax and listen to the radio show that I like and I potter about getting jobs done.

I managed to have a lovely soak in the bath tonight. After I got out I change, fed and winded the twins. They were very unsettled tonight and I fed them both and winded them lots. They just did not seem ready to settle.

In the end I had to get some jobs done so I left them to cry for a bit. I just had to clear the big pram out of the kitchen (I do not want Devil boy to trip up over it) and organise the dishes into a pole to wash tomorrow and wipe the asides. I was then able to put all of the clothes and nappies into a pile and take them into the back room ready for sorting out tomorrow. I noticed that there was some damp in the back room again so I will make sure that I sort that out as soon as I have had breakfast and sorted out the twins.

After I did this I changed the twins and put them in their baskets while I wrote my journal. Thankfully as I was writing it they settled off to sleep. Malach is beginning to stir again but I will be able to see to him and hopefully get him to settle in his basket. I am hoping that I will be able to do it as I am beginning to flag and my back is aching.