A down day

The night shift went well. The twins slept well and Wolfie slept through until about 4am. I did not hear him this morning though which is unusual. I must have been in a deep sleep for a change as I normally hear him first. Devil boy went through to him though. I was just waking up when I heard him go through for him.

I fed the twins and then I got up and had breakfast and browsed the Internet before going through and changing and feeding the twins again. They did not seem that keen to take proper feeds though and I let myself get into a flap about it. I could not read to them because any move that I made meant that they wound come off. I was very frustrated about this and I became irritable and started to feel down.

I managed to get them settled off and I got myself some lunch. After lunch I got the nappies in from outside and put the clothes out on the line that I had washed earlier before stating to sort through the stuff that I had piled on my bed. Unfortunately my heart was not in it and after another failed attempt at trying to feed the twins I really became down and I snapped at Devil boy a few times. It also did not help that he was also feeling down today. Neither of us could help the other out.

Devil boy’s daughter came around today so she ran around with Wolfie keeping him entertained and I replied to a friends E-Mail.

I then needed to go out and get some things for dinner as there were not yoghurts in the house and I got some soup for Devil boy. I was glad for the excuse to get out and get some fresh air. I was hoping that getting out might help pick me up. It unfortunately did not and no matter what I did I could not shake off how I was feeling.

After dinner I made up a batch of short bread for Devil boy and I (his bath had butter in and mine had soya margarine in it) and afterward Devil boy washed the dishes while I browsed the Internet for a short while. I then went through and cleaned Wolfies bedroom and got his stuff ready for his bed time while his daughter entertained him during his bath time.

Dad phoned to let me know about his results with his consultant today. It was thankfully good news. He heart is getting back to a normal size and is showing signs of making a good recovery. Though I wish they had phoned at a better time, as I was not able to chat with full concentration. They for some reason seem to call at the time of the day when I am very busy (bedtime for Wolfie) I will call them tomorrow night for a proper chat though.

There was then a knock at the door and Devil boy answered. I did not see who it was but it was one of my friends. They had dropped off a huge bag of clothes for Elbereth. That was so nice and as I looked through the bag I worked out who it was. The clothes are lovely. I will have to call around tomorrow to thank them. I would have done it tonight but I have lost their phone number.

Devil boy then went out to his friend’s house to watch the football and I attempted to give the twins another feed. It again did not go well so I decided to have my bath anyway. The twins cried all the way through my bath but I managed to have a nice soak and sort out my hair. While I was soaking in the bath I decided that I would probably not take the twins to clinic next week. I am getting myself into such a state about them that it will do more harm than good. They told me not to worry but I cannot help it and I am getting myself into an awful state. I am getting more and more worried and I am beginning to snap at the twins. I do not like this at all and I especially do not like feeling like how I have felt today which I think is due to worrying about how Malach is feeding. This is the worst I have felt for a while and certainly since the twin’s was born. I think they have picked up on it as they were challenging at some points.


When I got out of the bath I changed the twins and fed them. Elbereth did not feed for long but she brought up excess afterward which made me feel a little better and I managed to get Malach to get a good feed. I think that once I had decided not to take the twins to clinic next week it helped me enough to relax and they picked up on it. They have both now settled of nicely.

Thankfully by the time that Devil boy got back I was feeling much better and he too was feeling better as well. Though the both of us feel a little sick. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will sort that out.

Devil boy got me directions on how to get to the place where I will have my physiotherapy and which bus to catch. I am looking forward to that so I am going to make sure that I get to bed not too late. All I need to do is clear up. I will reply to my friends E-Mails and messages in the morning when I am bright eyed and busy tailed (I wish)